I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
