No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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