I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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