the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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