like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
