Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
