Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
