he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
