I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
