the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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