I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
