i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
