I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
