just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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