even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
