I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
