fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
