But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
ttyl tear gas
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
