And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
