i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
