Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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