I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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