I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
