The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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