gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
