a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
