Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
