Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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