I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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