This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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