He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
