It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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