I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
