i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
