i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
