Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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