im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
