So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
