Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
