I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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