how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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