Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
