Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
