and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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