I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
