Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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