You were right. It hurts to walk today.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
