You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
