i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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