i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
