i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
